It was night, a killer in a white hoodie who was also called Jeff walked down the road. It was Jeff the Killer. As he walked he saw a girl with blue hair leaning on a wall, “another victim” he smiled as he approached her. This was no ordinary girl though, this was Poopsy, a serial killer with a special mind and supernatural powers. Poopsy shot back into a karate stance and swung around and kicked the knife out of Jeff’s hands. “Ha!” laughed Jeff, “I analyse situations well and so I know that I can just pick that knife back up!”. Suddenly Poopsy went bright red, he was just like her but not that much like her because Poopsy was really unique and original definitely not influenced in any way by Jeff. “I can’t kill one of my own” said Poopsy as she rested her hand on Jeff’s shoulder, “the name’s Poopsy”. Jeff’s cheeks went red as he blushed back, “I’m Jeff”. “Well Jeff, nice to meet you now if you’ll excuse me I need to go, I’ve got a note to head to abandoned building”.
Jeff scoffed as he strutted up to Poopsy whilst clicking his fingers like a bad boy, “come on sugar you’ll need some help and I got the goods” Jeff flexed causing Poopsy to blush. “Too bad little boy, I work alone” she smiled as she walked without him. Poopsy had such a special mind that she saw things differently to others. This made it hard to relate as Poopsy was just too unique and different for the outside world, she had to work alone. For now…
Poopsy put her headphones on and listened to sad music as it rained, she was once normal girl now killer because she was bullied and led down dark path. Poopsy looked at the note she had, there was a picture of a masked girl on it, the mask was dark and looked like a mask a killer would wear on their face. It made Poopsy cautious but she knew the people needed her, Poopsy was a killer but only kill the bad people but nobody else knew that. Everyone think Poopsy is evil and bad little chick but really she is helping them, she is a hero in disguise. Suddenly masked girl jumped down from rooftop. She was wearing a trenchcoat and didn’t walk very well. “Looks like I have a visitor” said Poopsy. “No not a visitor this is not youre house” said the masked girl. “Actually the outside world is my home” said Poopsy, “I am not a normal girl like other girls, I am a dark killer!”.
The masked girl shed a tear, “well, I’ll see you around” she said as she ran away. Poopsy watched her run like a crazy man, “nobody around here stays for long” she sighed as she followed to the abandoned building. Poopsy recognised the masked girl from the posters around the city. The city was covered in wanted posters with a picture of her mask because she was stealing tubs of meat from all the butchers in the city she was wanted dead or alive. Poopsy knew she could easily bring her in but the justice system wanted Poopsy too and she didn’t want to work with them, she was a black sheep and had to protect her fellow people.
Poopsy did not want to think about it, she was so alone and it made her cry three tears came down from each of her beautiful eyes and so she ran oh how she ran into the night to forget her troubles. As she ran an old man looked out of his window and saw her run past, “you can’t run from your problems forever Poospy!” he shouted out her. Poopsy hadn’t been the same since her boyfriend Grubs died in a tragic accident. Grubs was a nice boy and had a bike and Poopsy missed him more every day.
As Poopsy approached the abandoned building she got chills down her back she walked inside and suddenly the door shut behind her and locked. Poopsy jumped up “have I been bamboozled?” she asked in shock. She turned around and saw the masked girl standing in the room.
“Ah dear Poopsy such a foolish girl always putting others before herself” the girl said. Poopsy squinted as she looked at the mask, it looked like an old scary mask and it scared even Poopsy who was the bravest girl. “Identify yourself!” shouted Poopsy like a medic.
The masked girl just stood there, taunting Poopsy with her voluptuous body. “We were once classmates, you and I” said the girl. Poopsy squinted some more trying her hardest to identify the girl, “I had no friends at school” said Poopsy “so that makes you an ENEMY!” Poopsy ran at her like an angry bull but she slid out of the way as her movements were so fluid like liquid. “No friends Poopsy? Well that really is pathetic, you are such a hoot” the girl laughed in Poopsy’s face, “well I did have a lover once… his name was Grubs” said Poopsy as she leaped and spun around majestically like an orca with her hands in a heart symbol. “HA!” laughed the girl as she walked up to Poopsy and flicked her in the face. “Poopsy you are ugly and no one loved you” laughed the girl as Poopsy crossed her arms angrily. Poopsy’s eyes suddenly opened and she used her special mind to analyse the situation, she knew someone who once said such mean things to her… but she was dead!
“Bertha?” gasped Poopsy, “but, but I killed you in my grand finale”
“So you’ve finally realised that I am one of the undead” the masked girl smirked. “When I was alive, you might have called me Bertha but my birth is long over, now I am DEATH-a” The girl pulled her mask away to reveal a skeleton face, Poopsy’s biggest fear in life was skeletons and this caused her to backflip in fear.
“How?” Poopsy screamed in fear, her nails clawed into her own face as she gasped in agonising terror of the sight before her. Her old classmate now a reanimated, undead corpse “What happened to you? you are a monstrosity to all creation!” “ok but that’s a little rude Poopsy, look I’m not expecting an apology but please have the decency to not say that again alright” Deatha sighed as she took off her trench coat revealing her entire body to be a skeleton, the coat and pants had been stuffed with ham to flesh her out.
Poopsy gagged at the sight of the skeleton covered in ham, it was truly her worst nightmare and looked really scary. As the non-Kosher skeleton approached her Poopsy used her special mind to analyse the situation, she figured out that she needed to escape but how?
Poopsy remembered how when she get really nervous she back flip so she decide she has to face her fears. Poopsy ran up to Deatha and closed her eyes she was going to do the unthinkable. She was going to lick the ham. Poopsy’s mouth opened up and her cute tongue came out, it was a tongue that she treated well with dignity and was limited to touching tacos and nuggets but today she would violate it and couldn’t help but shed a tear for her comrade.
As her tongue touched the ham dripping from Bertha’s body Poopsy’s body immediately coiled up in response and she flew backwards, cartwheeling like a slinky until she broke through the window. Bertha stood there in shock, Poopsy was just too clever.
Poopsy’s body flew through the air and landed in the graveyard. Immediately she started to cry, remembering Grubs and his bike. Grubs and Poopsy would ride oh how they would ride with that bike and go to the graveyard and look at ghosts together with their special minds. Poopsy stood up slowly and began to waltz around the graveyard as she cried over Grubs. All the ghosts came up and watched the girl dance by herself and they all got so sad and started to clap. “Thank you” said Poopsy to the ghosts as they applauded her with tears in their eyes, “a meaningless but heartfelt response”. “If only Grubs was here” she sighed. “Grubs is dead babe” said a bad boy on a motorbike. Poopsy looked up and saw Jeff sitting on a motorbike. He almost looked like grubs in the moonlight except he was taller and his name wasn’t Grubs it was Jeff. “Jeff Bertha is back and she’s going to kill everyone” Poopsy cried, throwing herself onto the floor and waving her arms majestically.
“Kinda makes you question your morals doesn’t it” Jeff said ominously. “Whatever do you mean?” Poopsy responded in a curious and sultry manner as she jammed a finger into her mouth to please Jeff. “Well we are killers Poops” said Jeff like an ominous killer, “Bertha is just one of us except she’s a skeleton covered in ham”. Poopsy flipped her hair as it began to rain, her finger slowly moving down her chin as she purred, “well my dear, that’s a pretty big difference don’t you think?”.
“Physically yes but morally we are the same” grunted Jeff in an ominous and brooding way. “If a skeleton covered in ham had morals it would be a skeleton covered in mcnuggets” Poopsy sighed. “My god!” Jeff spoke, “you’re right, I would have never thought of that, how on earth did you-“, Poopsy silenced him by placing her damp finger over his lips, “Special mind, hun”.
“Oh, Poops” smiled Jeff, “hop on to my hoopty”. Poopsy jumped onto the back of his motorbike, “what does this thing run on, gas?” she asked. “I guess you could say that” Jeff grinned as he finished a can of beans.
“Why do I bother?” Deatha sighed as she looked into a mirror, “my plans are brilliant but Poopsy has a special mind, she can analyse these situations and always find a way to defeat me! Her only weakness is her gigantic heart” just then Deatha grinned as she rubbed her fingers together. She put on her pants and coat and did a little jig to the school. It was night so nobody was at school so she snuck in and saw a pile of rocks and a dead body sitting by the front. Deatha walked up to the body before picking it up “We meet again… Grubs!”.
Deatha was still the same bully she was when she was Bertha and made fun of the dead body, throwing some rocks at his face for old times. Deatha’s violence had caused Poopsy to have an existential crisis, since it was Poopsy after all who accidently dropped the knife into Grub’s face killing him that gruesome day. Deatha’s smile faded as she realised how her bants with Poopsy had caused so much heartbreak. Deatha just wanted Poopsy to throw away her tacos and to throw rocks at Grubs every now and then but through the accident on Poopsy’s behalf, Grubs was dead, Poopsy was a killer and Bertha was Deatha, a skeleton covered in ham wearing a trenchcoat. It was truly an unexpected turn of events, genius writing.
Deatha shed a tear as she sliced Grub’s skin off, carefully cushioning his skin with chunks of ham before she stepped into his skin and slid back to the church as she arrived a motorbike road up to the scene on it sat Jeff and Poopsy. Poopsy jumped off at the sight of Grubs, it appeared that he too had been brought back to life and so she ran up and hugged him. Jeff sighed and flipped his hair out of his eye like a cool person. “It’s not what it looks like Grubs, I know he has a bigger bike but we are not together my heart belong to you” smiled Poopsy as she kissed his lips. As she did she took a big whiff and her face turned pale, Grubs stunk of ham, confused she squeezed his body and it squished like it was filled with chunks of ham but nobodies perfect so he kissed again. “Grubs on second thoughts you are dead and maybe it is best to rest” she sighed heartbroken.
“Poopsy I always loved you” said Grubs. “And I will always love you Grubs” cried Poopsy as she stroked his curly black hair. Poopsy sighed and looked him in the eyes, he didn’t look his best but she did drop a knife in his face so she didn’t want to bring that up. “I guess today will be my last day of kissing Grubs” she whimpered, pulling in Grubs as the two lovers kissed. Suddenly Poopsy’s tongue was bitten and she screamed as Grubs began to cackle, his skin jiggling as it fell off revealing Deatha underneath. “Oh Poopsy, walking into my trap once again with your big heart” Deatha laughed. “It’s not my fault I love so much!” cried Poopsy, “it’s not my fault I have a special mind!” Poopsy then kicked Deatha in the stomach and she flew back into a tree. Deatha laughed, “I could do this all day Poopsy”.
“Well too bad it’s not day, it’s night!” said Poopsy as lightning struck the tree and Deatha’s bones exploded into ashes that scattered across the city. “Finally, a proper burial” said Jeff to Poopsy, “Now her soul can rest in peace”. “More like pieces” said Poopsy as she stroked Grub’s empty skin. Just then a ghost flew down from the sky, it was Bertha.
“Poopsy, you’ve killed me again!” said Bertha who was mildly upset about the whole evening. “I’m sorry I kill you” said Poopsy in a dark ominous tone which impressed Jeff. “But now I have been properly buried by my ashes scattering, I am a ghost and can finally sleep” said Bertha as her ghost lay down in Poopsy’s lap. “Bertha, you have been nothing but a pain to me, do you know how many tacos I threw away because of you?” Poopsy said as Bertha began to fade away. “Poopsy remember when you dropped the knife on Grubs head?” said Bertha, “I don’t know, I think I might have forgotten that oh wait no I don’t that moment scarred me for life you big meanie” cried Poopsy. “No” said Bertha, “it was my fault, I shouldn’t have been throwing rocks at Grubs’ head and then I threw the rock to knock knife out of your hand, it was all my plan Poopsy, not you”. Poopsy smiled, “thank you Bertha I guess both of our souls can rest tonight”. Bertha’s ghost faded away and Poopsy got up and looked at Jeff, “we gave Bertha a proper burial we have to give Grubs one too” she said as she tucked his skin into her backpack and got on Jeff’s motorbike, “Drive to the school Jeff!”.
“This is a bad idea Poops, I’m not allowed within 50 feet of a school anymore” blushed Jeff, Poopsy pushed Jeff off of his motorbike. “Oy!” he shouted as he fell off, “Look Jeff, Grubs was my first love. I still love you but I have to sort this out first and then meet you later. You wouldn’t understand what it’s like to lose your first love” she said as she drove away. “but I do understand Poopsy” Jeff cried, “you were my first love”…
Poopsy drove furiously down the road, so fast the Grubs skin was flapping about in the wind. She drove to the school and jumped off whilst the motorbike was still moving before it crashed into the front reception, “looks like schools out!” Poopsy said in a really cool voice but sadly no one was around to hear her. Poopsy bent over and picked up Grubs skinless body which she dressed back into his skin. “Now, where was I?” she smiled before she kissed him once more this time certain he wouldn’t bite back. Poopsy dragged his body to the cemetery where she began to dig, as she laid his body down she saluted him, “goodnight Grubs” she smiled before burying him with the soil. She finally had the chance to say goodbye to her one true love. As she finished burying him she sat back, waiting to be graced by Grub’s ghost. Just then she heard a scream, it was both lovely and horrifying. She jumped up and looked around and there she saw him, ghost Grubs screaming as he lay on the floor. “Grubs?!” Poopsy screamed, “but you should be at peace now with the dead?” as she walked closer she saw Bertha’s ghost smiling as she threw ghost rocks at grubs. Poopsy fell on her knees and screamed super loud that it probably woke some people up, she did not care because now she was a real deranged killer. Everyone had been mean to her all her life and bullied her, she was a bad little chick now and this meant serious business. Poopsy astral projected and left her body and walked over to Bertha. “POOPSY?” yelled Bertha, “but you’re not a ghost!”. Poopsy wrapped her spirit hands around Bertha’s neck, “no, I’m not a ghost but you are, and let’s make this ghost toast!”. Poopsy whipped out some ghost knives which are knives for ghosts that can kill ghosts forever, Bertha began to scream as Poopsy raised the knife and looked her in the eye. “This time, I’m NOT sorry I kill you!”.
Poopsy stabbed Bertha with the knife and her ghost screamed as she disappeared from existence. Poopsy entered her body again and got up and looked at Grubs. “Poopsy, you saved me!” he smiled, “yes, that’s what I do” said Poopsy as she sat down next to him. “Now you are at rest Grubs” she said as he slowly began to fade into the sky. “Poopsy…” He said as he faded away peacefully.
Poopsy sighed as she got up again and walked off into the night. She was back where she started, a lone wolf in this world of sheep. Suddenly a tall man skinny in a suit tapped her on the shoulder, “excuse me m’lady but I have a mansion full of killers and outsiders like you. Would you care to join us?” Poopsy turned around to see the man had no face and tentacles which took her back a little. “What do you have for breakfast at your mansion?” she asked as the sun began to rise. “Tacos!” said Slenderman and the two laughed as they walked into the horizon and jumped in mid-air.
The End… or is it?